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Tuesday, 21 June 2011

The Banker: You know you’re sick of banking when…

The Banker

1) The more important you are at your bank, the higher probability your urgent emails or calls always “just happen” to arrive on your iPhone or BlackBerry during someone else's meeting.

2) Your boss insists on using his iPhone/BlackBerry, even when his landline phone is right there at his desk

3) People show off their work-sponsored iPads in meetings and then demand to know why there are no hardcopy meeting packs available.

4) Everyone who is someone wears French cuffs and incessantly fiddles with them just in case you didn't notice them.

5) Senior managers use silly exotic terms like “perfect storm”, “black swan”, “fat tail”, and “green shoots” to make their work sound exciting.

6) Senior managers talk about cost control and “jaws” but most of their audience think that’s a movie.

7) Senior managers issue global circulars emphasising the need to cut costs by minimising travel – and then they convene a mandatory in-person conference at a central location for all senior executives to discuss it further.

8) Your bonus is inversely proportional to the firm's good performance.

9) Senior management bonuses’ are inversely proportional to the firm's bad performance.

10) Your firm’s slogan is either humanly impossible (“never sleep”); a statement of the obvious (unless you’re E.T. it’s pretty hard not to "live in your world"); or a tautology ("living, breathing Asia" – I haven't yet met anyone who can live without breathing).

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